#fighting_wives
#Am I to blame or my husband?
Are the following sentences correct?
1. My wife made me angry and I am sad.
2. My wife hallucinated me and I am angry.
3. My wife is stingy and I am sad.
4. My wife does not respect me and I am tired of her.
You may be surprised; If I say that from the point of view of family psychologists, all the above sentences are wrong, psychologists call the above sentences linear causation: that is, one of the couple is at fault and the other is oppressed.
There is no linear cause in family therapy. Rather, they believe that, for example, a man makes an illogical move or speech, and a woman stands up to fight back, and this woman’s response and confrontation provides the necessary energy to continue the man’s fight, and so on. I mean, it doesn’t matter whether you are 10% to blame or 90%, the important thing is that if 10% of your mistakes weren’t there, 90% of the other person’s mistakes wouldn’t have happened either, so in family therapy and couples therapy, we look for the culprit. We will not return. Rather, if each of the couples does not make their own mistakes, it is likely that the opposite couple’s mistakes will not occur.
Example 1: Bad words
Man: Why is the food full of salt?
Woman: Where is the food full of salt, did you start complaining?
The woman’s answer makes the man even more angry and says: I have a problem, eat it yourself, see if it’s not too salty?
In her answer, the woman says: Ever since you came home, you have been frowning, your happiness is for the outside, you are nervous for us (note that the topic of the fight was spread with subtlety and both couples did not notice that the topic of the fight changed from a specific topic of salt to their whole life) .
Man with more anger: I will live for you from morning till night, this is a way of thanking you.
In the above example, please note that every word that one of the couple says, not only does not calm the other party, but also creates the necessary energy to make the other party angry. This is linear causation.
Example 2: Good speech
The man says: Why is the food full of salt?
The woman does not answer immediately and eats a little of the food and says: next time I will pour much less, sorry, it is a bit salty, I was all focused on the child’s lesson (that is, first she takes the blame and then a reason for her innocence This is a technique: in the first stage, he confirms the man’s words, and in the second stage, he brings a reason and proves himself innocent).
The woman goes on to say: “You came late today, you’re obviously very tired, did you have a lot of work today?”
In the case of food, the wife can add less salt next time, but leave a sprinkle of salt on the side of the table, or when her husband is in a good mood, talk to him about the salt in the food and reach an agreement.
This post is written by Sara_b_h