“Kiss me” syndrome – part one
“I have been married for 5 years. My wife wants stimulation before sex for herself, but she doesn’t do anything against my request, or she acts in a negative way. I have talked to my wife several times or sent texts from the Internet that it is pleasant for a woman to stimulate caresses before sex, but she does not pay attention at all and does not like to be caressed at all. Now that a few years have passed since our relationship, I am getting annoyed because I don’t have an orgasm very often. Can you help me?”
A common concept established in the minds of most women; That it is my wife’s duty to give me pleasure and bring me to orgasm. Many women think that sex is something that a man does with a woman and that the man is responsible for everything. With this assumption, a woman in a marital relationship becomes a helpless creature who only expects her husband to do something for her. This is of course rooted in our biology. In almost all mammals, the female sex is only active and the male sex is active. But in humans, the story of sex goes beyond biological boundaries. We humans (and even bonobos) don’t want sex just for survival and reproduction. Our brains have evolved and sex has meaning for us along the search for “pleasure”.
Hedonism is action and not just action. Of course, if the wife is skilled, she can enjoy herself more and give more pleasure. We cannot deny this. But notice that I said “a wife who is skilled.” And I didn’t say “a husband who is skilled”. This is a two-sided story. Many times I ask the couples who come to visit me: How would you rate your sex from 0 to 20? Usually the score is single. For example, 3 or 4 or maximum 6 and 7. I say that this test is weighted as follows: 10 marks for you and 10 marks for your wife. If the final score is 5, even if your wife is zero, you yourself have scored 5 less. First, raise your grade and then expect your wife. If you are perfect and your wife is on vacation, you will be at least 10!
Passivity can be troublesome in emotional relationships. A wife who says “Trukhoda love me; Trukhoda, pay attention to me; Trukhoda, hug me; Kiss me, you bastard” and he only gets depressed or angry, complains to God, actually attacks, shouts, hits, screams, teases, curses with his wife who explodes. or any other inhuman behavior, it is not much different. Passivity and aggression are two sides of the same coin.
No one is forced to love someone. We should tell ourselves: if he doesn’t love you, first try to be worthy of being loved. If you tried your best, but your merit was not seen, then you have as much right as him. he doesn’t like you be Don’t like him either. Can we achieve everything we want and love in this world?
Over the years, I have seen many couples whose core problem is this: they feel trapped. This sense of compulsion, being in a dead end, that they think they have no choice but to burn and build, wears them out from the inside. According to Mr. Glasser and choice theory, freedom is one of our basic needs and no sane person likes to be a prisoner. It is interesting that these wives in Darband, who complain about the lack of love and distance of their husbands, but think that they have no way back, no way forward, as soon as they become strong enough to send a message to their wife, I may not stay anymore, they face Shunde with his efforts to get closer. That is, exactly the passivity and transmission of the feeling of weakness was the cause of neglect, and when a wife realizes that she might really lose her husband, she struggles and changes her behavior.
Continued in the next post
This post is written by Sara_b_h