“Kiss me” syndrome – Part II
We know by nature that we have to work hard to get anything. A small child crawls, goes on all fours, stands, walks, and does all this at the cost of many times falling and suffering and does not fall. This means that the desire to achieve desires, even by accepting pain and anxiety, is in our nature. But maybe after a while we “learn” helplessness, as Mr. Rutter says. We have to learn to give in and put our hands on so that someone will give us charity, and sometimes our educational and cultural and even economic system encourages this passivity in us.
In sex, to enjoy, you have to do it yourself. You must be active and act. Of course, talking and asking your wife is part of this active approach; But forwarding a few telegram messages is not enough. You have to talk, face to face and eye to eye. Of course, don’t forget that you are not above him, your teacher or your wife’s parent to expect him to listen to everything you said; Just as you are not inferior to him and do not beg for attention from him. You are both adults with equal rights. If you said your wish and your wife didn’t care about it, you also have the right not to care about her husband’s wish. But if you said it a thousand times and he didn’t listen, and you had the same behavior as before and you sent the message to your wife that “Darling, whatever you do or don’t do, I am the same person as before and nothing will change in our life” Yours will turn into “whining” and your wife will see you as a weak and grumbling person.
I said that passivity and aggression are two sides of the same coin. So I’m saying be proactive in being honest about what you want and in arousing yourself during sex and in managing what happens in bed, and I’m not saying explode and destroy the cafe; Or you secretly want to find another way to satisfy your needs, which is also a form of aggressive behavior. You must stand with “courage” and express what you think and feel with “respect” and advance the dialogue with “empathy”. Sometimes you can’t fix anything. But before trying, we don’t have the right to be called.
We are human beings and our uniqueness is our creativity. The road ahead may be closed to us and we think we have no way back. This means a dead end and no one is happy in a dead end. But we can think differently and create a new way. Maybe it’s a path that no one has gone before, but when it can make us feel good, it means it works for us and that’s enough. Of course, here we come to the theory of Mr. Rogers and the inconsistency between the real self-concept and the ideal self-concept, and that we have been burdened in such a way that in choosing any path, we must have the approval of others, otherwise we will feel bad again. This is also a problem that we have to solve ourselves.
But anyway, by singing the song “Kiss me” or by wailing and chanting, or by being angry and fighting and being aggressive and violent, he does not kiss us. Or if he kisses, it is not a nice kiss. We should be kissable. We should be thirsty to kiss him. He should appreciate our kissing. If we all work and he still doesn’t kiss, then we have to look into his eyes and say: Don’t kiss me. It was your choice. As now I have the right to choose someone else to kiss.
This post is written by Sara_b_h