The effect of premarital sex
in marriage
Why do we advise women especially in marriage counseling to refrain from having any sexual relations during dating?
1) due to the release of the oxytocin hormone or adhesive hormone that causes dependence and adhesion to the other man and causes symptoms similar to addiction in the person. Such a woman can no longer make correct and wise decisions. Or that he cannot remain committed to his decision. For people, the symptoms of separation from such a relationship are exactly the symptoms of a hangover after quitting drugs, and the person tries to distort the facts with various excuses.
For example, we ask the person, why do you let the other party beat you or abuse you? He answers: No, the child loves me very much, he is very kind, but sometimes he gets angry!!
2) The second logical reason for refraining from premarital sex for both sexes is the weakening of the sense of mutual trust. Especially in societies where the intellectual context is often traditional and religious. Even when they pretend to be enlightened and establish relationships outside the framework, they feel guilty and tormented in their thoughts, and because they have not learned to accept their mistakes responsibly, they blame the other party. And this becomes a colorful reason for making excuses, arguing, and childish reconciliations.
3) The third reason for both sexes, especially men, is the loss of commitment and commitment and loyalty and the habit of acting outside the framework. Men who have experienced multiple and unsuccessful sexual relationships will lose their self-confidence to have a lasting committed relationship.
Psychotherapeutic solutions:
1. First of all, specify what is your plan and goal for this relationship? Marriage or entertainment? It is better to be honest with yourself.
2⃣ If your goal is fun and entertainment, then nothing. Because you are the owner of your body, time and energy even if you choose to harm it.
But if your goal and plan is to get married, give time to get to know each other between six months and one year, of course, without having sex, examine and measure the criteria of marriage, then make your final decision.
3.I would like to add this point, in order for the sticky effects of the oxytocin hormone to disappear in the body after an unsuccessful relationship, you should give it between three and six months, provided that the relationship ends completely and no communication is established under any pretext, even text messages or like!!
4⃣ If you are not able to recognize a suitable pair or you are confused, or helpless in front of a failed relationship and even though you know it is not in your best interest, you are not able to quit completely, seek help from a specialist therapist.
This post is written by Sara_b_h